#source: two and a half men

[fangirling-tussisque-noncaelatur]

[Rooster's phone rings]

Rooster: Hello? Oh, hey, Hangman. How's it going?

Rooster: Tonight?

Rooster: *playing it cool* No, I'm sorry, I can't. I've already got plans.

Rooster: *winks at Phoenix*

Phoenix: *rolls her eyes*

Rooster: Okay. Well, Sunday?

Rooster: Monday?

Rooster: What about Tuesday?

Rooster: You know what? I'm looking at the wrong month in my date book. Tonight works.

Phoenix: *rubs her temples*

[incorrectquotesmcu]

John: Who would’ve thought Alexei knew what he was talking about?

Ava: Certainly not Alexei.

[theunmappedstar]

Keefe: You look like my first wife.

Sophie: Wait, you were married? How many times have you been married?

Keefe: None yet.

Sophie:

Keefe: Oh my god.

[ffvii-series-incorrect-quotes]

[incorrect-piltover-quotes]

Vi: You look like my first wife.

Caitlyn: Wait, how many times have you been married?

Vi: None yet.

Caitlyn:

Vi:

Caitlyn: Oh my God.

[incorrect-bhaalspawn-quotes]

Shadowheart: Do you think someone is spreading gossip about you?

Astarion: Worse. I think someone is spreading the truth about me.

[incorrectquoteshungergames]

Maysilee: No cookies? What the hell is going on around here?!

Drusilla: Hey, watch your mouth!

Maysilee: I am watching it. It’s empty. I need dessert!

[19panophobia16]

*Su's first time getting drunk with Lin being there*

Lin:"Alcohol is poison"

Su:" If it's poison, then why do you drink it?"

Lin:"Because there are things inside of me that I need to kill"

[capndragn94]

*Entrapta is made Queen of the Horde*

Catra: Okay, you and me need to talk.

Hordak: I know, I know. You didn't sign up for this. You work for me, not her. And it's bad enough you have to put up with Scorpia and the cadets.

Catra: No. I like her better than you. So from now on, I'm working for her.

Hordak: What?!

Catra: You need something, you ask her, she talks to me, we decide.

Hordak: I don't get a vote?

Catra: Yeah, you get a vote. One vote out of three.

Hordak: ...

Catra: Good luck with that.

[incorrect-esmp-quotes]

Sausage: I keep having this nagging feeling that I forgot something.

Joel: If you forgot, then it wasn't important.

Sausage: Yeah, I guess.

Hermes, standing in the pouring rain:

[incorrect-xena-quotes]

Xena: You look like my first wife.

Gabrielle: Wait, how many times have you been married?

Xena: None yet.

Gabrielle:

Xena:

Gabrielle: Oh my God.

[incorrectquotesmcu]

Lilia: Agatha, I warned you.

Agatha: You did.

Lilia: But you didn’t listen.

Agatha: No.

Lilia: Do you ever listen?

Agatha: No.

Lilia: Are you listening right now?

Agatha: No.

[hawkinsincorrect]

Karen: You know, it wouldn’t kill you to talk to your father once in a while.

Mike: We don’t know that.

[crybabycunt]

(looking at a website dedicated to thirsting after Yelena)

Yelena: 'I would let Yelena break my back like a glow sti'--okay, I've had enough of this. How do I delete this whole thing?

Kate: You can't delete a website. The only person who can delete it is the person who created it.

Yelena: Well, how do I find out who created it?

Kate: Now, let's see, huh? Okay, uh... okay, the domain is the property of a company in the Cayman Islands called... (chuckling): Yelena Belova Can Run Me Over, Ltd.

Yelena: I can what?!

Kate: They sell t-shirts and coffee mugs!

Kate: (clicking) Add to cart.

Yelena: Heyy! Don't!

[incorrect-piltover-quotes]

Cassandra, about Vi: Caitlyn, if you continue to see this girl it will hurt me deeply.

Caitlyn: I might have to marry her.

[resident-wof-expert]

Snowfall: I feel like I'm forgetting something.

Lynx: If you forgot it, then it wasn't important.

Snowfall: You're probably right.

Icicle: *still in the dungeons, awaiting judgment for the past 6+ months*